Self esteem - Not feeling good enough

Dear Aine,

Recently I have been feeling really bad about myself, I left college two years ago after studying photography and with all intention of getting a good job in my field. However despite all efforts that hasnt happened and  now my confidence is beginning to erode. I have taken a job in an office to keep me in money.  Recently at a party I got chatting to someone, and I was asked what Iworked at and  found I was so embarrassed to say what I did after all my learning at college, a part of me felt like a failure and now I constantly try to avoid these conversations with others. I actually feel humiliated , I really want to be comfortable just with who I am, please help.

Julie

Dear Julie,

When someone asks us what we do, it is a conversation opener, but beneath  that we associate what we do with who we are. It might be helpful if you can begin to separate the two, what we do is our work and while it may take up a large part of our day it can never be who we are. When we learn a skill well, as you have done at college there may be disappointment at not using that skill, that same disappointment can weave its way into our esteem and we must be very careful not to let it erode WHO we are. I have worked a lot with retirees who, when they retire or lose their jobs often feel lost, they have spent so many years totally identifying with their work and when that is gone , so are they. You have learned a skill, and I am sure love that skill and while you may not be working at it, I am sure you can still practice it and enjoy it. This will raise your esteem in an organic way, that means in a way that is sustainable for you, a way you will FEEL in your bones, so when someone asks you what you do then you can enjoy that feeling, because while you work at something else, you still do your photography and enjoy it. You mention a very powerful word, humiliation.
I suspect when you practice your skill and enjoy what your doing there will be nothing for you to be humiliated about. It is a feeling we experience when we dont feel good enough about ourselves and when we dont value enough who we are. It has nothing to do with how others make us feel.

Stay in touch,

Aine